Good Lord I Haven't Posted in a While

Part of having a school with a "Strong Engineering Program" is the tendency of said Engineering students to be a tad south of normal. Most times this tendency manifests itself in an affinity for Cannibal Corpse and WOW discussions, but occasionally all that nerdiness is redeemed when some enterprising soul builds a seesaw and puts it in front of the student union. On behalf of all the wussy liberal arts majors here at Grove City College, thank you. Ok thats all I wanted to say, you can go back to building Lego Mindstorms now.

On a completely unrelated note last night I watched Hot Fuzz (for the 5th or 6th time) and this time I watched it with something called the "Fuzz Meter" on. Apparently this is a running subtitle commentary which certainly enhanced the movie. Not only did it reveal to me that Simon Pegg has an unhealthy but awesome obsession with The Kinks, but was also hilariously self-referential as only British humor can be. Probably the most amusing running gag was the idol worship of supporting actor Timothy Dalton, who was described once as being "Dashing" and another time as posessing "Chiseled features which Marvel comics routinely draw inspiration from to draw superheroes."

Notes: 

• Turns out the seesaw was being used for a fundraiser which is much less exciting than my previous theory of spontaneous playground equipment generation.
• This is just awesome: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puSkP3uym5k 

Wow It's Really Really Nice Out

That was a crazy weekend. Two canoe trips, front row at a Keller Williams concert, two Grateful Dead cover bands (!), a total fail of a crew regatta, lots of plastic getting tossed around, s'mores, a 10 page research paper, climbing on roofs, napping on the quad (in my beanbag obviously), and lots of other fun stuff. Thank god yesterday was sorta damp and chilly, otherwise that research paper and accompanying presentation never would've gotten done. Today represents a return that magical land where it's over 80, grass is being cut, mulch is being laid down, and the hockey team is shirtless.

- Trying to assemble a summer club frisbee team feels far more intrigue-laden than it has any right to be. Likewise with trying to get everyone on the same page for a potential roadtrip.

- THE SOX HAVE WON 10 IN A ROW, JUST SWEPT THE YANKS, AND JACOBY STOLE HOME. Yeah.

- Larry King is creepy.

- I don't know if you followed the fairly epic fight that just finished in Oklahoma: The song "Do You Realize?" has officially be selected as the state song. A while back there was an online poll to choose the state song, open to the public, and in a rare move of awesomeness the song by The Flaming Lips (who hail from the panhandle) was selected. Then the movement reached the Oklahoma House of Representatives, where things got fun. The band was accused of having communist sympathies (so what? we won that war, guys...), and the debate featured the following quote from Rep. Mike Reynolds, who was outraged by the band's use of profanity: "Their lips ought to be on fire." There you go, Midwest. Way to reassert your crazy. But over the weekend the governor weighed in and said that "Do You Realize?" had won the poll and would instituted as state song by executive order.

- CNN keeps running the headline "Newest Obama is a Shoe-Chewer," and I keep on just reading "Obama is a Shoe-Chewer" and being completely mystified.

- So. Swine flu. Seems important enough to warrant mentioning here, but I don't have anything to say about it. Can't really see it affecting Canton NY...

- I just watched the latest episode of Family Guy on Hulu, and I do believe I got every reference, which is definitely a first. It featured direct call-outs to Silence of the Lambs, He-Man, Goonies, all sorts of fun stuff.

- AH! In less than two weeks I'll be back in Andover... which will be awesome but a little bit sad.

This Week in Bullets

Whoops, Nathan and I have been a bit lazy lately, our apologies. But all is right in the world, because here in Canton NY it's supposed to be 72 degrees tomorrow, and almost 80 Saturday. Such weather is lovely wherever you are, but after enduring the Arctic winter that we have, the amount of awesomeness that such a forecast contains is had to capture.

- More things that are awesome include the fact that Keller Williams shall be playing on the St. Lawrence quad Saturday, which has me all tingly. And there's a Grateful Dead cover band on campus tomorrow night, so yeah. I'm happy.

- Glenn Beck is officially on the list of really really crazy famous people who I adore for their headline-creating awfulness. I had been getting all glum after Blago was denied his reality show by court order, but then Mr. Beck says things like this and all is better. Sort of. Readers, please never ever compare yourself to Martin Luther King, Jr. Especially not in the midst of a mildly incoherent (at best) rant. AND THEN, if that wasn't good enough for you, consider the deep and delicious irony of Mr. Beck's latest theory: "NBC News is nothing but a propaganda machine... to make money for GE." Do I need to make a joke here, or are we all clear on why that statement is freakin' hilarious?

- I'm listening to "Africa" by Toto right now, and damnit all, I love it.

- This story is really notable mostly for its headline: Venezuela To Give Island To New Jersey. It's not actually that interesting a piece of news, but that is in every way an off-putting headline.

- Whoa. Apple just sold its BILLIONTH app for the iPhone. Yikes. That's an average of 30 apps per iPhone user, and remember that all billion of these have been sold in 9 months. If you're really into the statistics, consider how that means that 5.5 million apps have been sold a day, on average.

- Appearently afraid of being upstaged in Fox News' crazy department, Sean Hannity has agreed to be waterboarded for charity.... WHO WOULD EVER PAY MONEY TO HAVE THIS HAPPEN?!?! I'm all for giving money to charity, but must a news anchor be tortured for people to donate money?

- On the torture subject, I would urge readers to watch Monday's Daily Show on Hulu. Actually, I'd urge everyone to watch every episode of the Daily Show, and bask in Jon Stewart's awesomeness. But Monday's was especially good.

- There's an xkcd book coming out! I think if you're excited about such things, your nerdiness can no longer be denied. I dunno what it says about me, though, because I really only get like half the jokes but I'm pumped anyway.

- I know there's been several bullet points at Fox's expense already tonight, but I think one more is needed. Sadly, Fox finally caught on to why everyone, especially other better-informed news networks, was giggling at them when they were discussing plans to "teabag the fools in D.C.!" <-- (Actually said by someone on Fox) Anyway, a Fox representative indignantly explained:

"I've never seen anything like it," Bozell said. "The oral sex jokes on CNN and particularly MSNBC on teabagging ... they had them by the dozens. That's how insulting they were toward people who believe they're being taxed too highly.

- Is that enough links for you all? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!

How to Use Chopsticks

I copied this word for word off of the chopsticks I got with my chinese food a few nights ago.

"Welcome to Chinese Restaurant. Please try your Nice Chinese Food with Chopsticks the traditional and typical of Chinese glonous history and cultual."

1. Tuk under and held firmly

2. Tnurnb

3. Learn how to use chopsticks

4. Add second chcostick hold it as you hold pencil

5. Hold tirst chopstick in originai position

6. Move the second one up and down

7. Now you can pick up anything:

Any ideas on what "Tnurnb" means? I'm at a loss...

Cam Lownie's Summer

Having recently acquired a summer job, I've been searching for ways to spend my not-yet-earned money. I have succeeded. Here's my summer concert schedule. Be impressed. And jealous. Or come along, that's cool too. Everything except Phish is around $30...

May 20: The Shins (The Orpheum, Boston)

May 29-31: Mountain Jam Festival featuring The Allman Brothers, Gov't Mule, Umphrey's McGee, Michael Franti & Spearhead, Tea Leaf Green, Brett Dennan, Derek Trucks Band, Gomez, and more! (Hunter Mountain NY) <-- Free because I'm volunteering

July 9: State Radio (Hampton Beach Casino, Hampton NH)

July 10: Los Lonely Boys (Boarding House Park, Lowell)

July 11: Wilco (LeLacheur Park, Lowell)

July 31: Blues Traveler (Boarding House Park, Lowell)

August 8: Derek Trucks band (Boarding House Park, Lowell)

August 14: Jakob Dylan and the Wallflowers (Boarding House Park, Lowell)

August 16: Phish (SPAC, Saratoga NY)

Attack of the Bullet Points!

- Blago has his own reality TV show!

- Sarah Palin continues to make headlines: the man she has appointed attorney general manages to be more controversial and awful than herself. He compared gay people to LIMA BEANS, labeled them degenerates of society, made jokes about domestic abuse and rape (“There wouldn’t be an issue with domestic violence if women would learn to keep their mouths shut.”), and many many other bizarre and terrible things. Sometimes I worry, but this is all going on in the distant and deeply irrelevant land of Alaska, so mostly I chuckle. Nervously, though.

- Pirates? Discuss.

- It seems that a healthy percentage of my year, if not an actually majority, are currently dormless for next year. If you are one of the multitude who has no bloody idea where you're living next year: You may have my pity, if not my futon.

- Hulk Hogan was quoted yesterday as saying he can "totally understand" OJ Simpson...

- (this is for baseball fans from Boston, which I'm aware may not be our most populous demographic) So what about Timmay Wake flirting with the no-no Wednesday? Oldest starter in the American League, I'll let you know.

- On a related note, the Yankees lost 10-2 in the first game in the new Yankee Stadium. And I am gleeful.

- My friends and I made it through all three seasons of Arrested Development, and are now starting Freaks and Geeks. Which, somehow, is even better. WHY DOES NO ONE WATCH DECENT TV SHOWS AND DOOM THEM TO BE CANCELED BY FOX? WHY!?

- I have no classes tomorrow, and it is supposed to be sunny and 65. I plan on canoeing, tossing frisbees around, and generally having an amazing day. Byah! <-- Howard Dean noise

Breaking into my Dorm

Last week I had a break which (I thought) ended last Sunday. In reality the break extended into Monday. As a result I ended up walking through my campus and wondering why not a single light was on anywhere even though it was 8 pm on a Sunday night. My brain addled from airline travel it took several failed card key scans before I realized I was locked out of every single building on campus.

Campus security at Grove City is a wonderful combination of a lack of sympathy and a 1984-esque surveillance setup. Not only do they have nearly the entire campus under the watch of closed circuit cameras, but they also know whenever anyone tries to scan into a building. Armed with this fearful knowledge I picked up my bags and started humming the Mission Impossible theme song. 

As I shuffled through bushes towards my (blessedly) first floor window, I alternately prayed for mercy and cursed myself for not checking what times the dorms open. Luckily no one had locked my window and I was able to pry it open.

Stumbling into my darkened room I realized that any light or noise could alert the authorities of my presence. I was faced with a dilemma: Take advantage of being the only person on campus using the broadband and stream high quality video, or risk being found out by the dim light given out by my private showing of 30 Rock? Instead of going without Alec Baldwin I duct taped a blanket over my window.

A few hours later I heard the unmistakable sound of a Campus Security officer's uniform encased thighs swishing down my hallway. I turned off my computer in a fashion that I knew would prompt it to threaten me with "Safe Mode" and dove into a corner. Luckily, the officer was satisfied with checking if my door was locked and disaster was averted.

While I waited for my breathing to return to a normal rate and my pupils to un-dilate, I felt akin to those who manned submarines that had to remain silent in order to escape detection. Except instead of Soviet subs, I was avoiding unmotivated security officers, and instead of a submarine, I was in my comfortably furnished dorm room. But still, the similarity was there.

Luckily I possess the ability to sleep in until 1 pm (when the dorms actually open) so I survived the rest of the night without incident.

Loyal Order of the Moose

Oh dear. No one has posted here in like half a week. My sincerest apologies, and know that I fully intend to crank out posts most days this week.

Anyway, I spent a lovely weekend in Ithaca NY for Ultimate Sectionals. Most teams there had, I'd estimate, twenty people. St Lawrence ended the weekend with eight uninjured players, five jerseys, six pairs of cleats, and two discs. Also, they were the first games we've played this season (boo!). In the end, we came in seventh, a result that I'm perfectly happy about. But there were some amusing stories along the way:

- Drove past a lodge bearing a sign that proclaimed home to Ithaca's "Loyal Order Of The Moose." Some internet research has revealed that it's not as exciting as you'd think, just a Free Mason Lite sort of community bonding thing. Still though, how about that name...
- Also drove past a sign for Kwik Klean Auto Wash featuring "Soft Foam." That is the actual sign, quotation marks theirs. Quite apart from the deeply and painfully gratuitous misspellings, let us take a moment to contemplate what exactly soft foam is, and why on earth it's hanging out in between quotation marks.... There's this great stuff we all call "soft foam," but that's not what it actually is at all! Urgh. I can't think of any specific connotations, but that just sounds dead wrong.
- Rounding out the list of places I drove by this weekend is the Manos Diner, which made me chuckle. "Been hitting the Thighmaster, Torgo?"
- I really don't ever want to stay in a motel room with eleven other guys again, especially not when athletic events are involved. Pizza, used underarmour, beer, and various other scents combined to create a stench that almost drove me to sleep outside.
- As a freshman, I spent a good deal of time driving other people to places where they could have lots of fun and generally engage in activities that rendered them unable to drive themselves. Recieving a call an hour after I went to sleep and hearing "DUDE! WE'RE AT CORNELL BUT I THINK IT'S TIME TO GO HOME CAN YOU COME PICK US UP?!" is honestly the worst thing to happen, ever.
- Except for the fact that it was snowing Sunday morning while we played.

In other news, the top movies the last two weekends have been Fast and Furious and Hannah Montana. I think that speaks for itself. On a happier note, the captain who had been taken hostage by the Somalian pirates was rescued. By Navy snipers. I'd really like to think that after taking out his captors, at least one whispered to himself, in that deep Halo voice, "Head shot." Seriously though, pretty amazing story.

O frabjous day!

Editor's Note: Cam wishes he wrote the following. He didn't. Although if leaving his computer in other people's rooms consistently results in posts like this, he should probably do so more often.

As I sat here softly tapping,
'pon my door I expected a rapping.
Cameron, this is the second time this day
You've left devices with which to play.

It has been fun, it's entertaining,
but my patience you've been straining.
Next time you leave this open access,
You'll really regret it, especially because you left your credit card in my room.

Sylvester Stallone Can Kill you with a Mountain

Originally I was going to write about how one makes dreadlocks, but finding that completely boring (it has something to do with dedicating your hair to Bob Marley, also beeswax?) I decided to watch the movie "Cliffhanger" on Hulu.com. This was probably the best choice I made today (besides perhaps using chocolate milk on my Rice Krispies).

"Cliffhanger" features Sylvester Stallone as an emotionally distraught mountain-climbing-rescue-guy who gets forced into helping John Lithgow (the bald guy from "3rd Rock from the Sun") locate some cases of money he accidentally dropped while robbing a plane over the Rocky Mountains. Needless to say, he uses his badass climbing skills to escape and then proceeds to mess with the bad guys' plans throughout the movie. His shenanigans range from strapping a tracking device to a bunny (adorable!) to ramming a guy with a freakin' stalactite. Its possible you may think those italics were unnecessary, but that is probably because you forgot that stalactites are the ones that hang from the ceiling. Therefore, Stallone lifted a guy over his head and rammed him into a spiky rock. Hell yes. (dear god let google image have a picture)

Normally I'm a fan of cheeky black criminals with British accents, but the one above totally had it coming. As I was pondering the (admittedly simple) plot of "Cliffhanger" I realized that quite literally the movie is "Die Hard" on a mountain. Replace British criminals with vaguely Slavic ones, and John Lithgow with Alan Rickman and you're halfway there.

Now I should mention that's not necessarily a bad thing. If anything, Hollywood should make more "Die Hard" based movies. The badassery of Bruce Willis could probably even sustain a ripoff starring Keanu Reeves.

Oh yeah. That one was called "Speed."

Stand By Me

We can all agree that somewhere around 98% of everything on the internet is deeply useless, weird, awful, boring, and generally not worth looking at. But once in a while, you stumble across something fairly awesome. That brings me to this little clip I bumped into on YouTube; it's a version of the song "Stand By Me," recorded by different people across the globe. I generally use my hardened cynic tone in this forum, but I dare you to not feel at least a little emotion as you watch it. Especially if you like the song as much as me.

Anyway, I ended up on that particular YouTube page as a result of having the song running through my head for several days. On Friday, I believe, a friend was humming "Good Vibrations," which is a magnificent song, and somehow that got stuck in my head, and put me in the mood for 60's psychedelic pop. So that drove me to go to several friends across campus, and accumulate all such music I could, featuring the works of Donovan, The Zombies, The Turtles, The Yardbirds, The Byrds, Simon & Garfunkel, and many others (it was quite an era for one-hit wonders). One of the songs that I grabbed, of course, was Ben King's "Stand By Me," and ever since I've been singing, or more aptly bellowing, the song as I walk the hallways of my dorm. For those interested, my radio show tomorrow will heavily feature such music. Tune in!

In other news:
- This has happened. The creation of a tiny biological battery that runs on human blood really really seems like the premise of a Michael Chrichton novel. I give us, say, 7 years until we see these become autonomous, develop intelligence, and start to enslave humans and harvest our blood.
- Why is it supposed to snow tomorrow? It's April, and such weather seems deeply unfair, especially after that gorgeous stretch we had.
- Sarah Palin is still talking. Yesterday she offered up this gem: "We are strategically placed to defend the critical assets of the United States and our allies in the Pacific Theater.” Excuse me? Which critical assets of the US are anywhere even close to Alaska? Is she still worried about Russia invading or something?
- I can't claim to be a fan of the series "Avatar: The Last Airbender," or to have even seen a full episode, but apparently it is a legitimately good show with a devout fanbase, something I'm inclined to respect. So I can only imagine the agony of having their show turned into a live-action film, directed by none other than M. Night "The Plants Are Going To Kill Everyone Except Mark Wahlberg" Shamalamayn.
- Wondering why I'm so mean to M. Night, even when the only movies of his I've seen (6th Sense and Signs) I've quite enjoyed? Here are some a typical review for his last film, The Happening: "It's a woeful clunker of a paranoid thriller... [with] befuddling infelicities, insistent banalities, a shambling pace and pervasive ineptitude." Or maybe it would be more fair to deliver one of like three positive reviews: "It turns out to be a divertingly goofy thriller."

The History of Parkour

As I noted the relative success of my history of Ultimate Frisbee post, I decided that writing a short history of cool things is a good formula for creating posts. For this reason I thought I would share the hopefully amusing (I haven't started researching yet so I don't know) history of Parkour.

Parkour was founded by a man named David Belle who was the son of a fireman. While David may have founded Parkour, it was his father that started the movement. Belle senior led a group of elite french firefighters who he trained in the art of methode naturelle. This was a concept he developed while in Vietnam, where he apparently had to run away a lot. These firefighters used any means necessary to get in and out of buildings (including jumping, vaulting, running up walls, etc). Their movement inspired the young David Belle to create Parkour. And while you may doubt anything this cool could come from France, I urge you to watch this clip of David in action. 

The clip which you should have just watched is from a French movie called B13, and while I have a few qualms with the scene (What happened to his shirt? How did he know that rope was there? Seriously though, where is his shirt?) it certainly shows the sheer awesomeness of Parkour. Unfortunately the awesomeness does not carry over to the dialogue/plot parts of the movie, whose hilarious awfulness places it firmly in the MST3K category of movies.

In closing I will quote David Belle himself: "Everything that is an obstacle, is part of our art." 

What, you seriously thought I was going to end the post with a meaningful quote?

In The Library

Not a real post here, just an amusing story:

I was working on a rough draft of a research paper of epic length this evening, gathering books to drop as evidence. I had made a bibliography that was due last week, but had sort of cobbled it together out of random likely-looking books I read summaries of online. Anyway, after not really finding any books that fit my needs, I decided to look back at that bibliography, and see if the library actually had any of those books. To my increasing surprise, each and every book on my works cited page was also housed in the library. I was delighted, and deeply impressed with the power of the St. Lawrence library, quite ready to forgive them for the weird (but not entirely unpleasant) odor that permeated several the books I found. But it really seemed like an amazing coincidence. Then I remembered: I had compiled my bibliography based on books I had found while searching through the school library's database. So naturally, everything on my list, and on the entire database, could be found on the shelves.

I feel like there is a moral hidden in there.

And it's not that I'm a bit lacking in common sense. Not where I was going at all. Thanks a lot, Inner Sarcastic Voice.

For Real?!

I was just doing a pre-bedtime perusal of Facebook, and one tidbit jumped out at me to a degree where I felt an immediate blog post was necessary. One classmate who shall remain nameless had a status update that read as follows, and I quote: "i wish i knew more DMB fans at SLU." Now, for the uninitiated, DMB refers to Dave Matthews Band, and SLU is street lingo for St. Lawrence University. Anyway, if you haven't recoiled due to the ridiculousness of that status already, this may not be the blog post for you. Let me endeavor to explain. There may be a college campus, somewhere, where Dave Matthews and his band are not appreciated or liked. It is not this campus. I would suggest that around one room out of say, 8, has a DMB poster on adorning the walls. If there was a way to know the 10 most common bands on people's iPods, than I would put serious money on DMB making the list. And why would you want to know more of them anyway? (Disclaimer: Cam Lownie quite enjoys DMB, and has lots of their music)

Also on the list of things that have made me invoke the title-referenced exclamation today: Glenn Beck. Instead of being a sort of silly/scary figure on my peripheries, he has moved right up there with Michael Moore and Bill O'Reilly on the list of people who need to seriously go away. He's only been a member of Fox for about two months, but he's already the third most popular cable news host on television. Haven't seen him? You're missing out (I highly recommend watching this at least up until the point where he breaks down in tears). Populists like him are always irritating, but Beck is really, really, awful.

Connecticut. I'd always thought you were a decent state. Maybe not the world's most exciting place, but harmless enough. Then this happens. A middle school where touching is banned. No physical contact is allowed. I'm not even going to stoop to ranting or debating about this. If such a ban doesn't sound inherently wrong to you...

Finally. Unnecessary movie remakes always grind my gears, but this seems like a perfect storm of terribleness. I know that the point of the article is that there is not going to be a Footloose remake starring Zac Efron, but that the very idea was being considered makes me shouty. Although I do recommend watching the original, just for giggles.

I know that last paragraph seemed like a good place to end, but I do just want to point out that a couple of weeks after you read about it here, CNN is now running a story about the proliferation of pythons (alliteration!) in Florida.